dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
