you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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