smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize