and you said cock pushups were impossible
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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