So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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