wat bout pragnant strippers??
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
