I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
