bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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