i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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