the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
