K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
