Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
