what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize