I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
