Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
