I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
