I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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