I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
