I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
