if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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