Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
