I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
