I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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