i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
