i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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