Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
