I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Randomize
