Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
