My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize