Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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