3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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