Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
