So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
