youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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