He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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