K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Randomize
