why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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