haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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