I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
