There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
