How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
