I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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