woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
