i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
