Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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