: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
