I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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