Cold hands, warm shart.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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