I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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