Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
third nipple confirmed
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
