just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
