I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
