I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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