my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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