guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
