Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
