its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
