If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
