just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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