You just made me feel so damn special
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
