I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
