I think I am morally bankrupt
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ketchup is God's man juice
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
