Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
