Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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