I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
