why didn't you poke me back
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
