so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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