Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
