Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
