he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
