I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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