Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
