Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
