I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
