hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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