I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
