wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
