Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
