i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize