How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize