I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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