just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
