dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
