so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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