it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
