his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize