Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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