yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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