Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
