I think im going to throw up on grandma
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
