youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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