I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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