she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
