she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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