So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
