i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
