Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
