Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
