I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
