It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
