I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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