There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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