Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
