Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize