I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
